Yesterday I went to a road race but did not run in it.

I watched my sister and brother-in-law race in the Fans on the Field 10k. They both did very well, and both said my presence and encouragement on the course was helpful.

However, it was an interesting experience for me.

On the one hand, I really wished I was out there racing. Three years ago I finished 8th overall in this race. It is a big race, 1,800 plus runners this year, so placing that high feels like a big deal.

Yesterday Benjamin finished 14th overall. He looked great, ran an impressive time, and was among the top 1% in the race.

I wished I was out there with him. Running fast is so much fun! So is getting into shape and pushing yourself on a daily basis to be better than you were the day before.

But, I was also glad I wasn't. Watching him reminded me how much racing hurts, how futile it is (I always feel like I could have done better!), and how hard it is to be good.

I am still planning on taking it easy until October and then getting ready for an early December half marathon.

But being a spectator at yesterday's race made me wish I was running fast right now while at the same time making me never want to run fast again.